Chain Emails

[Gail]

We've all received them with warnings of dire consequences if we don't pass them on. :eek:

I don't pass them on.

I want to thank those of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me
your chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel
safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

I must say thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat droppings in the glue
on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet towel on every envelope that
needs sealing. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore,
and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward
an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about
to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.



Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me... I will now return
the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
(EDT) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician!

[Believer]

rofl

I don't pass them on eigther.

I especially hate the ones that make you feel like your not a christian if you don't pass on some heart-breaking story to a least 10 people you know.

My aunt's mother-inlaw is very religious and she feels it's her duty to pass on these amazing miracle stories, some of which I'm kinda dubious about, but my aunt feels like it's her duty to her mother-inlaw to pass them on too.

So, every month I swear I get a least 2 tear-jerking stories and down at the bottom theres always some guilt trip about passing them on.

Drives me nuts. Not that I don't enjoy the stories, it's the guilt trip that gets on my nerves.

So, I want to add.... Thanks for making sure I get "saved". :rolleyes:

[Jeannie]

Amen sisters! As a matter of fact, I probably lost a good friend today. She sends me and everyone else in town, jokes, political smears, religeous letters and every chain letter that comes around. I received about 4 to 9 emails from her everyday. Today I received an especially hateful message in the form of a joke and I finally asked her not to send me any further messages of that type. I really hope she won't be offended, but she wasn't concerned about how it might make me feel. I was feeling sad about it until I read your post Gail. Thanks - Jeannie :thumbsup:

[paige]

I couldn't agree more with you all! I never understood the whole chain letter thing! I've never been the superstitious type - most control freaks aren't!!:P

Explaining why I chose not to engage in chain emails really had no effect. I suppose people have address groups, so one click is all it takes. I don't try to influence the senders one way or another. I know they mean well, but it makes me sad to think they believe in a chain letter/email more than themselves!:(

p.