Gail
08-18-2006, 11:16 AM
I live just south of Baltimore City in Maryland. This was just sent to me and I'm sure many other big cities have their own versions of it. So much of it is true. :) I know I've found some humor while driving in New York City traffic. :D
For those who are from Baltimore, still live there, have traveled there, and/or plan to travel through there in the future...
"BALTIMORE ROADRULES"
First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Bawl-mer, or
Ball-DA-more, depending on whether you live North or South of
Route 40.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and
buy a new one. If you live near Howard County and your map is one
day old, it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Baltimore has its own
version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as
a dangerous high-speed chase in Baltimore. We all drive like that.
All directions start with "The Beltway"... Which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 5 a.m. To 11 a.m. The evening rush
hour is from 1 p.m. To 7 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out
and possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line at a light, count to five
when the light turns green before moving ahead to avoid crashing with
all five of the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
(However, if you don't go as soon as it turns green, you will get the
horn.)
Construction on I-97 is a way of life and a permanent form of
Entertainment. Interesting that it's called "an Interstate," but runs only
from the Beltway to Annapolis. Opening in 1992, it has been torn up
and under reconstruction ever since.
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks have the right of way. Period.
And the same goes for all old men wearing hats!!!
All roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections
(8th Avenue and Dorsey Road is a good example).
A trip across town (north to south) will take a minimum of four hours,
although the tunnel does have, on occasion, more than one lane open,
but never on holiday weekends.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is
considered downright sissified. The Beltway is our daily version of
NASCAR.
If you drive to a football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the "Ravens
Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $7,500 for damages, towing
fees, parking , tickets, etc.
If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during
Preakness, run over him. It's probably not his yard, anyway.
WELCOME TO BAWLMER, HON
For those who are from Baltimore, still live there, have traveled there, and/or plan to travel through there in the future...
"BALTIMORE ROADRULES"
First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Bawl-mer, or
Ball-DA-more, depending on whether you live North or South of
Route 40.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and
buy a new one. If you live near Howard County and your map is one
day old, it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Baltimore has its own
version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as
a dangerous high-speed chase in Baltimore. We all drive like that.
All directions start with "The Beltway"... Which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 5 a.m. To 11 a.m. The evening rush
hour is from 1 p.m. To 7 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out
and possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line at a light, count to five
when the light turns green before moving ahead to avoid crashing with
all five of the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
(However, if you don't go as soon as it turns green, you will get the
horn.)
Construction on I-97 is a way of life and a permanent form of
Entertainment. Interesting that it's called "an Interstate," but runs only
from the Beltway to Annapolis. Opening in 1992, it has been torn up
and under reconstruction ever since.
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks have the right of way. Period.
And the same goes for all old men wearing hats!!!
All roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections
(8th Avenue and Dorsey Road is a good example).
A trip across town (north to south) will take a minimum of four hours,
although the tunnel does have, on occasion, more than one lane open,
but never on holiday weekends.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is
considered downright sissified. The Beltway is our daily version of
NASCAR.
If you drive to a football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the "Ravens
Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $7,500 for damages, towing
fees, parking , tickets, etc.
If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during
Preakness, run over him. It's probably not his yard, anyway.
WELCOME TO BAWLMER, HON