Stephanie
05-09-2007, 09:38 AM
> KID STORIES
>
> 1) NUDITY
> I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
> a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
> naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
> the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
>
> 2) OPINIONS
> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
> from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
> are not necessarily those of his parents"
>
> 3) KETCHUP
> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
> struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
> the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
> She's hitting the bottle."
>
> 4) MORE NUDITY
> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
> locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
> ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
> amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
> little boy before?"
>
> 5) POLICE # 1
> While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
> interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old Looking up and down at my
> uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
> writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
> the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,
> then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please
> tie my shoe?"
>
> 6) POLICE # 2
> It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
> station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
> and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
> there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
> and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
>
> 7) ELDERLY
> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
> shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
> She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
> particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
> staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
> for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
> whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
>
> 8) DRESS-UP
> A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
> her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
> suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
> headache the next morning."
>
> 9) DEATH
> While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
> heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
> Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
> Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
> box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
> of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
> prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought
> his father always sang: "Glory be to the Faaather, and to the Sonnn, and
> into the hole he goes."
>
> 10) SCHOOL
> A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
> wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
> and they won't let me talk!"
>
> 1) NUDITY
> I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
> a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
> naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
> the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
>
> 2) OPINIONS
> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
> from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
> are not necessarily those of his parents"
>
> 3) KETCHUP
> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
> struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
> the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
> She's hitting the bottle."
>
> 4) MORE NUDITY
> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
> locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
> ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
> amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
> little boy before?"
>
> 5) POLICE # 1
> While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
> interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old Looking up and down at my
> uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
> writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
> the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,
> then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please
> tie my shoe?"
>
> 6) POLICE # 2
> It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
> station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
> and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
> there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
> and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
>
> 7) ELDERLY
> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
> shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
> She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
> particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
> staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
> for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
> whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
>
> 8) DRESS-UP
> A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
> her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
> suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
> headache the next morning."
>
> 9) DEATH
> While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
> heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
> Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
> Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
> box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
> of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
> prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought
> his father always sang: "Glory be to the Faaather, and to the Sonnn, and
> into the hole he goes."
>
> 10) SCHOOL
> A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
> wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
> and they won't let me talk!"