View Full Version : How to make it through the holidays?
11-30-2001, 07:47 AM
This holiday season is my first without my dad (Dec. 4th marks 6 months since he crossed over), and I'm finding the holidays so far to be pretty tough :( (starting with Nov. 20th, which was Dad's birthday, then Thanksgiving which, in addition to the first Thanksgiving without him was also the anniversary of his cancer diagnosis, and now on into the Christmas season). Though many of my other relatives have crossed over in years past (including all 4 grandparents & an uncle just to mention a few of the "closer" relatives), the death of my dad has been the hardest on me.
I do believe that our loved ones are still around us (otherwise I wouldn't believe in JE and I wouldn't be on this site :) ), but nonetheless I am still grieving the loss of dad's physical presence -- the conversations, the hugs, the advice, the shared hobbies, yes even the arguments).
I'd love to hear from any of you on how you made it through the "first holidays", and for those that are going through their first as well, my heart goes out to you.
I received this from Sandy, author of "Love Never Dies". (John Edward shares Sandy's and her son Jason's story in his book "One Last Time")
She offers some really wonderful and new ideas for making it through the holidays, based on her own experience:
11-30-2001, 10:34 AM
My heart to yours. The strength of family is very important to make it through the holidays, let alone every day. Each of you will cry, laugh, cherish the memories of what you all had and have together.
Talk of him as if he is still there, because he is. Set that extra plate setting on the table, feel his presence in your heart. Your love, thoughts, prayers and conversations, are the most prescious gift that you could give him. It continues on. Gather your strength from him not wanting all of you to be sad. Gather your strength from him not wanting all of you to be lonely at this time. Gather your strength from him.
I came across a reading and I hope you see the meaning of this:
Bury my body, but don't bury my beliefs. Bury my heart but don't bury my love. Bury my eyes but not my vision. Bury my feet but not the path of my life. Bury my hands but don't bury my diligent efforts. Bury my shoulders but not the concerns I carried. Bury my voice but not my message. Bury my mind but don't bury my dreams. Bury me, don't bury my life. If you must bury something, let it be my faults and my weaknesses but let my life continue in you.
From one daughter to another,
please take care Valerie, Cyndy.
11-30-2001, 10:50 AM
Originally posted by Daughtie
I'd love to hear from any of you on how you made it through the "first holidays"
(((Valerie and family)))
We cried, we laughed, we remembered, we hugged, but mainly we continued on.........
Pam - That was wonderful. Thank you and thanks to Sandy for sharing that with us.
Cyndy - That was also wonderful. Your suggestions are great, and the reading is beautiful.
11-30-2001, 02:06 PM
I do understand your concerns well. My birth father died on
Thanksgiving, My step-fathers birthday was on Christmas, and
he also crossed right before Thanksgiving.
You have already received some excellent advice from people.
(Thanks for the link, Pam), but I'll put my two cents worth in any-
Similar to something talked about in the link Pam provided, I have made this a yearly tradition. I pick someone that I know has
had a difficult year, either due to loss or circumstance, and I sup-
rise them in some way. My favorite way is to do so anonymously.
If I know they like gardening, it might be a basket left on their
porch full of seeds,bulbs, a book, etc. You get the idea.
It is a way I honor my fathers. It is the kind of thing they woud
And of course, turn to friends (like us). Many people understand
and are more than willing to listen, and help, in any way we can.
11-30-2001, 08:17 PM
Thanks for nice replies! I was trying to peek at them from work today, but I had to stop and wait until I got home because they all have such warmth and compassion flowing out of them each one sparked new tears (good tears):)
Pam: the link is fantastic - thanks!
Cyndy: I loved the reading! I'm looking forward to meeting you next week in AC!
Ken: I hope you decide to decorate, at least a bit. I have decorated, and though it was hard to find the motivation to do it this year, once it was done I was glad I did it.
Julie & Jerri: Thanks for the suggestions - I really like the idea of being the anonymous gift giver!
11-30-2001, 11:26 PM
Mom crossed seven months ago, so I'm having the same tough time with the holidays. I made up my mind to celebrate Christmas the way I always do. My grandchildren will be visiting for a week so they will bring laughter and joy into the house when it is most needed. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas. Mom loved all my decorations and seeing the light in her great grandchildren's eyes made everything worthwhile. So, I'm sure she will be here with us to delight in the season.
Pam, thanks for the link. Right now, I'm holding back tears. I like the idea of doing something nice for someone which is the way we should be all year long.
Some way, some how we will make it through this holiday season. Bye for now.:wave:
12-01-2001, 10:49 AM
I have an especially hard time during the holidays too. What I do is this...
Although I don't feel like being around others I shove that aside and do my best to be there for my family, they are hurting too and they need me. I'm no longer "in to" doing the tree and trimmings, but I do it anyhow so that everyone else can enjoy it. I try to think that my 'other side' family gets to see it too ~ so it'd better be just right :D
I try to make them proud.
Keeping busy with holiday 'chores' also helps. Doing Christmas cards, decorating, shopping, cooking ~ you name it, it helps.
This year I would like to light a candle for each of them and wish them the Merriest Christmas ever :)
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