October 29, 2001 at 5:37 am #72423bobcat12Participant
Originally posted by birny
Hi Birny –
You sound a lot like me from the above excerpt. Were you at Anaheim this Sat? I went. I loved seeing John but had taken my SO with me since I had 2 tickets; so we didn’t stay for the rest of the speakers. (he wasn’t too keen on it and frankly the only one I really cared about seeing was John).
I am a little bit ashamed to admit this, but I felt a very big letdown when the session ended and I didn’t get read. I posted before about my entire nuclear family having crossed over within the past six years. The last 2 yrs. since my mother (best friend too) died have been a nightmare with me going through a foreclosure, bankruptcy, misc. health problems including clinical depression, job ‘reassignment’,then the unexpected death of my brother and only sibling this year. I guess I was too ‘sure’ that my family would come through for me. I really was walking on air since I got the tickets, not that I was really SURE but I honestly felt they knew how very much I NEEDED some validation from them that they are all OK and together. Most of all I think I wanted to KNOW for sure that THEY know what I have been going through and the extreme guilt I feel about losing the house (among other things). You see I have felt my mother with me every day since the day she died (killed by a drunk driver)…while I wished and wondered why she has never come to me in a dream, there have been other small ‘signs’ like you mentioned, that may have been from her.
WE (she and I, my dad and brother too) all had come to the same set of beliefs over our lives, not from coercion but from reading Cayce, and others like John. So we are all on the same page that way. But, like you mentioned, when a sign or a ‘feeling’ comes over me and I feel strongly that she’s nearby, I tend sometimes to discount it since it could very well be ‘wishful thinking’.
I guess that’s what I was counting on John to do for me, to validate my own convictions that she and all my family members are still able to see me and care about what happens to me. ALSO how very much I miss them and think about them.
So when I didn’t get the reading that I felt almost certainly would come, I felt some very ‘bad’ emotions: like betrayal, anger, sadness, loneliness, and even some momentary doubts about whether we survive death or not! This is a cornerstone of my personal spiritual beliefs; so I pretty much rejected that and just ‘went’ with the first ideas: My family either doesn’t know that my life pretty much crashed down around my ears, which makes me question my direction & purpose; OR they don’t care enough to offer me validation of their own survival; acknowledge my loneliness for them and their love for me. I know, I know! Talk about childish. I am not proud of my feelings, but I do admit to having them.
I know that I was guilty of having expectations in attending the seminar. We all know the odds are very much against any individual getting a reading…I ‘said’ all those things before I went and tried to minimize my hopes. But come on! Don’t we ALL go there hoping? Can’t we ALL point to other reading(s) that seem WAY LESS IMPORTANT than the one WE need??
I am smiling here, folks, and please don’t attack me or reprimand me for my hopes. I KNOW. I just wanted to post here so I could be honest about my feelings and experience at the seminar. I feel even worse that the rest of the folks who attend seminars and don’t get readings are all:
A) fine with it;
B) have their faith in God strengthened ANYWAY;
C) find their personal fulfillment in seeing others get readings;
D) Never waver from the conviction that those who DID get readings were more deserving than they.
YES – I am hereby appointed the offical poster child for John’s admonition
to bring any expectations with you.
Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy the part of the seminar I was present for. I was one of the first who jumped up for the standing ovation – it was heartfelt and spontaneous. He was gracious, funny, self-deprecating and prompt. One thing no one else has mentioned is that he decided to devote the whole time he was scheduled to speak for (only a measly hour and a half!!)to giving READINGS – hooray, everyone responded. Also I can agree that he was “all over” the floor with his readings, I truly don’t think it would matter at all what seats you buy,as far as your chances of being read; now if you want to SEE the little cutie up close, that’a another story!
I truly feel that John is a very special and spiritual person and I don’t like hearing people trash him or call him a ‘fake’. I don’t worship him or anything! HECK no, he’s a human down here with us, feet on terra firma, etc. But it’s important work and I know it would hurt me a lot to have my personal integrity constantly attacked – mostly by those who choose to stay ignorant. So I admire his strength also in putting his work out there for the public to see.
Thanks for listening – so sorry for the length! Have any insights/ words of wisdom/ etc. to share? (uh,…except PLEASE don’t say “others’ need was greater than yours!”…I’m already familiar with that one!
Doesn’t anyone else here admit to ever feeling disappointed?? How ’bout a validation, here!
Thanks, I’m feeling much better already.
Cathy in So CAOctober 29, 2001 at 6:31 am #72427LAN ManParticipant
Cathy, my heart went out to you as I read your post.
I wish you could have stayed for the rest of the seminar. Though it may not have lessened your disappointment, it may have helped you to at least laugh through it.
Dr. Richards started his portion off by referring to the ones that came through for their friends and relatives with John. He wondered aloud what it was like for our loved ones on the other side during an event like that, if they had to buy tickets, if they had to take a number. I can’t help but feel that your loved ones would have wanted to have come through, but because of the overwhelming number of people in attendance just could not do so. But I think you can be sure that they know of your pain in not hearing from them, they know of your troubles, and they are with you.
The last speaker, Sylvia, also did readings for a large number of people. And believe me when I say that some of those folks were also suffering a tremendous amount of pain. Then there were people whose pain and need were not as great as yours who got a reading. So I don’t believe that it’s a matter of need that dictates who comes through and who doesn’t. Sometimes it’s just a matter of physical impossibility.
I heard something about faith from a friend of mine who is also following a spiritual path. It’s a Buddhist saying, it made a lot of sense to me, and I wish to pass it along. It says that until you believe you will not see. What I take from that is that you must trust yourself, you must trust the signs you see, you must trust that when you feel a calmness and the presence of a loved one who has departed that they are indeed with you.
You obviously do believe that what John does is real, otherwise you would not be so hurt that he was unable to get to you. What you need to do is to believe in yourself, that your prayers are heard by your mother and your brother, that when you think they may be with you you’re not fooling yourself. Just as you believe the fortunate ones at the seminar heard from their loved ones, I believe that yours are with you now.
If all else fails, think of this…John is a medium. He is also a warm, kind person who you know through his shows and his writings. You trust him and in his abilities. Unfortunately it is very difficult or expensive to get a personal reading from him, as much as he and us may wish it to be otherwise. But he is not the only one who does what he does. There are a number of truly capable and passionate mediums out there. John himself endorses Suzane Northrop who is conducting a retreat with Dr. Richards the first part of next month. While it may be difficult to arrange to attend at this short notice, opportunities like that are all around.
In the meantime, don’t beat yourself up for your feelings. They are natural, they are human. Focus on the love that is causing the disappointment, and thank those that gave it to you.
Don’t give up, either on receiving a validation or on yourself. That is the last thing your loved ones would wish for you. Or us.October 29, 2001 at 5:58 pm #72443amcphersonParticipant
Oh, Cathy, please don’t be so hard on yourself.
I have never been to one of the seminars, but I just KNOW that when I finally do, and probably won’t get a reading, I’ll feel just like you did! This despite the fact that I have not lost anyone close to me except grandparents several years ago, and the fact that I show some mediumistic abilities myself. I would still LOVE to have a reading!
When John was on our local radio station recently, I tried to call in, but couldn’t get through. He did really short readings with only two people, and I know I would have felt unsatisfied with something so short, but I felt disappointed anyway.
I don’t think you can say this person or that person “deserves” a reading more or less. Nobody’s grief is more important than yours. Even John doesn’t know why one energy will come through and another won’t. It’s one of those things about the Other Side that I think we won’t know until we get there.
I am certain your relatives DO see what you are going through and are sending their support through the signs you are seeing. Trust those signs! Remember, we all have expectations, no matter how hard we try not to. Even John. Have you read his books? He insisted on certain validations from his mother through other mediums, and refused to validate what he himself received from her. If so gifted a psychic medium as John is admits he too has trouble with expectations, don’t beat yourself up over having them! We’re all just human!
Hugs to you!!
AnnOctober 29, 2001 at 6:34 pm #72445kimkParticipant
I wanted to add a little bit of perspective to this….you see, I am one of those people who seems like she didn’t need the reading as bad as someone else, and got one. I saw John last May in San Francisco and in a seminar of about 1500 people, I was the second reading of the night. Part of the reason I bought my ticket was becasue I had recently discovered John on CO and was a little bit skeptical that he was real. I wanted to see him with my own eyes before I made up my mind.
I have not lost as many family members as you have and in fact, the part of my family that came through was not a side that I was that close to, nor knew very well. But what the other audience members didn’t know was that my grandma had a radical mastectomy the day before the seminar and it was her entire family that came through. It is my belief that they came through so that I would give the message to her that they were there. She was in a very bad way physically and emotionally and the reading helped her to know that her family was with her during a very difficult time.
So you see, though you are very sad and disappointed, and understandably so, please try not to quantify the needs of others. In other words, I don’t believe it has anything to do with one person’s grief being more worthy or important, just that there is a randomness to what’s happening. Sometimes the logistics of that many people and John being only one person means that not all spirits get through in such a short time period. Your family may have tried very hard and just couldn’t do it. Keep talking to them and looking for your own validations and as you are open to the process, it really happens.
kim:daisy:October 29, 2001 at 7:41 pm #72450birnyParticipant
Cathy, and others, yes it was a painful event to not get read. I stayed through the whole event, and in the end, during Sylvia’s trance state she led us through, I felt and asked for peace and healing, knowing that I was not going to be one of the lucky ones. My trance state had me crying from the moment I arrived at the gazebo, and was met by a spirit. I stayed there for almost a minute after she returned the room to the present.
I received no words of comfort, wisdom or anything, I simply felt all my grief continue in that trance. I had takend pictures and personal items with me, and kept them close if not in my hand at all times.
The factor that John many times reminds us of, is that others we bring with us to the event, are likely to benefit, and that was the case. I had brought my seester, (not biological or marriage related, just a close friend that is the sister I never had) She works with a woman, who is a close friend of one of the people who came through, he was on one of the flights that had crashed during the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and the woman who got the messages was the one standing on the east end, next to the ceiling support pole. My friend recognized that the person being described was her coworker’s same person. She had come with me, quite sceptical of the John Edward thing, and was blown away the moment she realized she knew who was coming through. I have given my selfish feelings over to resignation that I was the carrier for her to get the messages through to her friend back at work. Maybe because I am fortunate to be in closer contact thatn I think with the other side, is why I was among 7,400 and some people who came, saw and received no reading. The moment I saw soooo many people I felt I had a rats ass chance to get a message. My family, was never much at communication and that hasn’t changed it seems.
My mother died when I was 11 weeks old, my father when I was 12 and my grandmother who raised me, was hospitalized when I was 13, I was very anxious to hear from any of them. My dilemma, and I so hoped to at least win the oppotunity to ask Sylvia a question, is that my husband was born 3 weeks after my mother died. I was not going to ask if my mother was around me, I was going to ask if my husband was my mother reincarnated. When we listened to Dr. Richards, I was comforted by the story of a grandmother had come right back as her own grandchild, this grandchild had issues with the grandfather, that a reading had answered the issues, he had abused the wife, resulting in her death.
I cried Sat night while going to sleep, waking same feelings that Cathy wrote about too, selfish, abandoned, neglected that I did not receive a message, but I still knew, that there were tooo many people there to expect otherwise.
Sylvia was a hoot, she was very straightforward in her assessments of people and their questions, thought I was not assured when she mentioned that some leave coins, water running and lighths that come on… that didn’t impress me one bit… BUT her trance state that she took us through, was more powerful than Debbie Ford or Charles Richard’s guided imagery trances.
Enough for now, peace and healing to all who attended, it was worth going even if no readings were for you. Having someone else make you leave early was a shame.October 30, 2001 at 12:30 am #72482Susan013068Participant
OH, Cathy, I can so relate! I was there, too–had driven 3.5 hours at 5:00 a.m. (had been up since 2:30 a.m.–couldn’t sleep from the excitement!), and we left as soon as he was done. Mostly out of disappointment.
I, too, have endured many losses; I’m 33 and have lost my mom, dad, sister and 8 other close family members in the last 10 years–plus I have a brother who is severely disabled from a brain injury (accident 5 years ago), so I would’ve loved to have told him that our family “came through.”
I literally *begged* my family to come through. In fact, I swear one reading was meant for me. Remember that woman who kept referring to the “P” nickname (Pussycat) and swearing that was for her? I was sitting just one row up and a few seats over, and I SWEAR that was my aunt, mom & sister coming through…. but I didn’t want to be a “relative stealer.”
Anyway, I feel your disappointment. I really do. Just offering my (((HUGS))) to you.November 5, 2001 at 6:02 am #72739bobcat12Participant
I apologize for taking several days to reply…I didn’t want to leave out anyone who was kind enough to give me encouragement and comfort after my ‘disappointed’ post on the Anaheim seminar.
.Susan, birny: thank you so much for your understanding and kind words that helped me realize there were many, many others who shared my ‘disappointment’. KimK, reading your experience humbled me. Thank you especially for saying that no one’s loss is more important; that logistics make it difficult for all who may desire to come through. I will keep looking for my own validations. Ann (amcpherson): Yes I have read John’s books and I even own the two I liked best (OLT & CO)- I think I should go back and re-read some parts of both. And what you said about ‘being dissatisfied had you gotten an abbreviated or inaccurate reading’ – I can so identify with that. I think that would have been a lot worse than not getting any reading.
Now, LANMAN: I have to tell you that reading your compassionate and wise post brought tears to my eyes (and not of self-pity, either!) What you wrote really helped. The buddhist saying that you offered expresses what I already believe! I have never doubted my family’s survival of death, and to have pinned the truth of all my convictions on one external event for validation was pretty dumb. You told me, ‘trust the signs, trust the feelings and embrace the truth’ that they are still with me. Of course, I did and DO and I needed to be reminded of that. Also I did eventually arrive at the same idea about trying another medium sometime…but meanwhile I will work on trusting my own validations. You said “focus on the love that is causing the hurt”. What else is there to say? What a concise and insightful message that is. You obviously do understand how I feel and you have somehow made it possible for me to put it in perspective.
Thank you so much, kind people and please know that the words each of you wrote helped me immeasurably. I also stumbled across a message on this same subject, different thread, and I am going to write that person to tell her how much I could identify with her post. If you are so inclined, read the post by ‘mtdewhead64’ under the thread, “My Need was Fulfilled”. It was from a few months ago, I believe.
Walk with light, everyone….(my favorite profundity; and gleaned from a flashing red traffic signal!!)
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.