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Forums Forums The After Life Testimonials John Holland Reading 10/13 – The story behind the reading….

last updated by  espana76 12 years ago
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  • #66087
    LoriM
    Participant

    Let me just say that this past weekend was probably one of the most incredible, amazing, inspiring weekends that I have had in my life! I left John’s seminar with many validations and confirmations about my life and what I should be doing to find my soul’s purpose and the changes that need to be made. I also came away with an incredible gift…the messages from my grandmother. :hearts:

    Like Pam, I have a bit of the story behind the story… I am sorry this is so long… but it was important. I originally bought tickets for the John Edward show the same weekend with Sylvia Brown. I had told Enlightenme (Pam2) just hours after I purchased the tickets that I didn’t feel like I would be the one going. (I think the post is still on the board somewhere.) I assumed I felt that way because maybe there was someone else who needed the reading more than I did. Then Pam B. posted the notice on the John Holland seminar. After several conversations with her I realized that the last thing I needed to be doing was chasing JE halfway around the world to get validations that I already had. So I made my decision… I was going to Chicago.:clap:

    From the moment we stepped off the plane, I knew that this trip would not be like any other. For me, going to Chicago was a bit like going home. Let me explain. My grandfather and great-grandmother were both immigrants who came here by boat from Italy in the early 1900’s by way of Ellis Island. My Grandmother (The Barnaby Queen as JH referred to her during the reading) was born in Boston and my mother grew up in Evanston, Illinois where she met my dad. I was born in Michigan and then my parents moved to Texas with my grandparents when I was only six weeks old .

    I was raised with my grandparents in our home and I grew up learning about their rich Italian history, their hardships getting here, and their wonderful traditions. I grew up hearing stories about Lake Michigan, the Navy Pier, and many of the locations in and around Chicago. My grandfather used to tell us tales of running rum during prohibition, my grandmother loved to talk endlessly about Little Italy, and my mom often told us stories about skipping school to go ice-skating, or to go to the movies at the pier and ride the ferris wheel.

    Just hearing some of you speak – your inflections – your tone – your hand gestures (Maria!:love: ) reminded me so much of my mother and grandmother. It was such an amazing experience to actually be there and SEE all those things I had heard about growing up. It brought back SO many memories for me. It was really hard at times for me to just be there because I felt so close to them. I felt so comfortable with all of you and with the city itself. I felt like I had come home. :hearts:

    As I got older, the three of us would spend every weekend together shopping, laughing, and talking about life in general. We did this until my grandmother was almost 88. When my grandmother became too frail she moved in with my brother and sister in law. Then it became my children’s turn to take my place as they spent every weekend with their grandmother (my mother) just as I had done.

    Needless to say the three of us were very close to each other in life. My mother was my best friend and we were together constantly. She had suffered from a stroke in February just shortly after her 65th birthday. It scared me to death but we had made it through that and had begun the recovery process. She was only supposed to stay with us briefly while we nursed her back to health, however; she was never able to start physical therapy.

    Over the next three months she became unexplainably weaker and her pain increased. The doctors weren’t much help and kept dismissing her as being old and that she would just have to get used to it. Originally, the home health care place anticipated it would only be two to three weeks until she could get back home and on her own again once she was discharged from rehab center.

    Unfortunately that never happened and my mother passed away from undiagnosed ovarian cancer within three weeks of being discharged from the hospital. The night she died is another story in itself and I won’t go into that now but you have to know that everything happened just the way it was supposed to. The last thing I heard my mother say to me was “I love you.” She passed away holding my hand.

    I had never lost anyone close to me before then. It was a shock for us all and watching Sandy tell my grandmother that she had lost her daughter was the hardest thing in my life I have ever had to do. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell her. It is a moment that is forever frozen in my mind.

    After my Mom’s death it was very hard for me to see my grandmother. Every time I saw her , I saw my mother. They had the same hair, the same body, the same skin, the same eyes, and even when I kissed her; she smelled like my mom. Every time I helped bathe her, or care for her, or sit with her; I would see my mother and the grieving would start all over again. Over the next two years my visits dwindled slowly from several times a week to once a week, then every other week, to finally only once a month or so. I would try to apologize for my absence but she would only wave me off with a hug and tell me she understood.

    I knew the last time I saw her in August that it would be the last time. She was in end stage alzheimer’s and it was the first time that she did not know who I was anymore. She recognized my children but did not know who I was. It was a very painful moment and one that was ridden with guilt for me. I felt so awful because I wasn’t able to be there for her. I just couldn’t do it… not only because of my memories of my mother but because I couldn’t watch her die like I did my mother. I didn’t go over there again and it was the last time I spoke to her.

    She had deteriorated so much over the last two years that it was a daily struggle for her. She was always an intelligent sharp woman and it was hard for her to watch her body slowly die when her mind, for the most part, was still intact. She didn’t enter the end stage of her disease until the last two months and even then she had more good days than bad ones. It left her feeling angry and cheated that God took her children before her but He would not take her. She would ask Sandy daily for poison so she could die and she felt like she was being punished. It broke my heart to see her like that so I stayed away.


    The day she died was a bitter sweet one for all of us. The only request she had was that she did not want to die in a hospital. We ended up having to call an ambulance to take her to the hospital anyway due to a glitch in her DNR orders but luckily we had an ER doctor who got the picture and showed us what to do to side-step this. We transported her back home and waited for the hospice to arrive. Once she was back home, I was able to steal a few moments with her alone and I whispered into her ear that if she saw those angels that she needed to go with them… I told her it was her turn to dance with them and if she saw the light she should run to it and I kissed her forehead. My brother and Sandy came into the room and she took her last breath less than ten minutes after I got there. She had waited for me. She passed away with the three of us comforting her. She was finally free.

    So you see…. having my grandmother come through to John was such a blessing for me and it came at a time that I really needed to hear it. I needed to know that she was not angry with me for not being there and I felt like having her come through was her way of forgiving me and to give me that one last time to talk to her again. Thank you John! :hearts:

    #110192
    LoriM
    Participant

    Read Post one first! I honestly did not expect anyone to come through for me this weekend. I was finally to the point that I was no longer looking and that it did not matter either way. I wanted to be able to go to the seminar and just enjoy myself without any expectations this time. I woke up Friday morning early, (compliments of my roomie who shall remain nameless) and had several hours to kill before we started getting ready for the day. I figured what the hell… I would do JH’s meditation from Psychic Navigator that is supposed to raise your energy and open your chakras. It was invigorating and truly a nice experience. It couldn’t hurt right?

    I had also been learning the Rosary from JE’s “Practical Praying” so I figured I would put that to the test as well since I couldn’t go back to sleep. One of the messages I have been getting from day one is to pray…. so I did. I actually prayed the entire Rosary for the first time by memory and I prayed with intention! This may not seem so out of the ordinary for some… but for me it was a huge step! I prayed all five decades and prayed each one with intention… I turned my family over to God that morning for the first time in my life! I prayed for Matthew’s and his family, I prayed for my husband, I prayed for a safe flight for everyone and I also prayed that my grandmother would say hello to let me know she got there okay. Here is what happened next:

    JH: Bang! I am over here now! I am looking for a Barny or Bernie.

    Lori: “Bobbie”

    (I get excited because I have my mom on the brain and she went by Bobbie-it’s a B name right?)

    JH: No Darlin’ I can do Bobbie that’s easy. Hmmmm no it sounds like Barny. I am looking for an “I” Bernard or Bernie… Barnaby like, like Barnaby Jones.

    Lori: Bernabei?

    JH: Does this mean something to you? Who is the Barnaby connection?

    Lori: Alice Bernabei was my grandmother. She passed a way two weeks ago.

    JH: Oh , yes I see. See this is how it works I am hearing your grandmother say Barny or Barnaby Jones to get me to say this. You know who played Barnaby Jones – the Jed Clampet guy.. Who played him? Buddy Epson….This is not Bobbie though Darlin’ but I don’t think you are trying to make this fit. Okay? This is your grandmother?



    Lori: Yes

    JH: Why do I feel like – Is your Mum still here Darlin?

    Lori: No –

    JH: Why do I feel like the Barnaby lady is more like your mother anyway?

    Lori: We were all very close.

    JH: So you are lucky! I can actually say that you had two mothers, yes?

    Lori: Yes

    (There was never a time that the three of us weren’t together. My grandmother was a huge presence in my life growing up.)

    JH: I understand. You said two weeks ago? Okay so you said this is your mother’s mother you are talking to?

    Lori: Yes.

    JH: So the daughter passes before the mother. I am just trying to see the family tree. Um, yes. The Barnaby Lady… I am just going to say her name. Who is Anne, Andrew, Andy?

    Lori: Andria – that is her other granddaughter.

    JH: Okay that’s fine, the Barnaby Lady is not a woman I want to mess with. I say this to you with the greatest respect but that is the way she is coming through. Do you understand that? She can hook up with Pat’s Mom over there! I wanna say to you this is NOT little old lady, Betty Crocker woman, okay? Do you understand this?

    Lori: Yes! (My grandmother raised two children during the depression and she was always very stern, but loving. She definitely wore the pants in the family and could be very controlling. She did not tolerate waste and would let you know about it in an instant.)

    JH: She is making me aware of this as she is coming through… Did I just miss a birthday in October or? Who has the birthday in Late September, Early October? End of September, they are telling me to go back about three weeks.

    Lori: I don’t know – could be one of her other grandchildren.

    (I really blew this here because after I got back home and reviewed the notes that were taken I realized I knew EXACTLY whose birthday this was. This was a HUGE validation but I will explain this a little later because it ties with something else.)

    JH: Okay, alright, I want you to remember this so have someone write this down. Where can I place Sandy or Samantha? Who is Sandy?

    Lori: Sandy is my sister in law who took care of her.

    JH: Okay, alright…alright it’s okay. I am not getting your mum on this, this is Barnaby Queen…Okay that is coming through… who did you come with?

    JH: (to me) Who’d you come with (I waved my hands over our three rows and the whole place laughs) wait a minute.. alright, this is the way it’s going to happen, this is compliments of the Barnaby lady.

    JH: I’ve got a couple of kids who want to come through, they visited me before, I don’t know where to put this. Is there a drowning connection for this group? Fluid to the lungs, a drowning Connection? (Fluid to the lungs – my grandmother died from congestive heart failure)

    (He moves to Pam at this point… and although most of my reading was over… I continued to see the “Me too’s” slip in through her reading.)

    JH: Your Mum has passed?

    Pam: Yes.

    JH: She’s coming in loud, loud, loud

    Pam: Are you the number one daughter?

    JH: She’s putting the number one above you Pam because you either took care of her, or you’re the oldest, or the responsible one. (Me too #1 – I felt like this could have also been for Sandy, my sister in law. Sandy is the oldest out of the three girls left in our family and she is the one who was able to step up to the plate and dedicated the last 5 years of her life taking care of her.)

    JH: I don’t want to play favorites in case your sister is in the room, but there’s a big thank you, a big thank you, a big thank you…


    (Me too #2 – I was so elated when he said this because I felt like this was a message for Sandy and knew she would need to hear it.)

    JH: Is there a connection to cancer in the lungs or emphysema

    (My Grandfather died from black lung)
    Pam: My father has emphysema, on this side.

    JH: Your mom makes me aware that as hard as she tried to stay here, she knew you were ready for this, do you understand this?

    Pam: Yes (Me too #3 – This was also a HUGE validation for me… Three years ago my grandmother almost succumbed to congestive heart failure for the first time. It was awful… We did not have a DNR on file at that point and they would not let her go with out it. I don’t think my mother was quite ready to let her go yet either. They pulled her through and she eventually recovered but was never the same. By the time she finally passed away from the second episode of congestive heart failure… it was a welcome release and we were able to let her go peacefully and at home as she wished.)

    JH: How many sisters do you have?

    Pam: Just one

    JH: She’s saying “hi to my girls, hi to my girls” (Me too #4 – Sandy, Andria, and I were all her grandchildren… in her eyes we were her girls… no matter how old we got…. We were always her girls… at family get togethers she would always say “There’s my girls!” My heart just about burst when I heard this…

    JH: She’s coming through with the greatest of love and greatest of respect…were you with her when she passed?
    (Me too #5 ? – Both Sandy and I were there with my mother and my grandmother at the time of their deaths so although this didn’t fit for Pam it certainly did for us.)

    Pam: No, we just missed her we think she did it on purpose

    JH: sometimes they do that, you can be with them for 24 hours a day and you can go to the bathroom and they go, because they don’t want to put you through that. She’s making me aware that you knew that was the day or that you knew this was going to happen at any time. You must have said when she’s ready she is going to go.

    Pam: She almost died two years ago the exact same way –

    JH: She’s saying thank you for letting me go. She tried to wait as long as she could; she tried to wait until you were ready.

    JH: She was very dizzy, always nauseous; she’s saying “look at the crackers in her bed”


    Pam: Yes

    JH: September is significant:

    Pam: It’s my wedding anniversary


    JH: (Back over to me ) Hi to Michael but I am getting your people coming in for this as well (Pam’s)– Michael is My husband

    Here’s where the reading switched over to Twinky and her husband bill
    . – There were several me too’s here as well… He mentioned Stephen … I didn’t pick up on this either until after reading the notes but this may have been for us as well. No one owned Stephen… I think he was mine. My husband has a brother named Steve and the father of Sandy’s children that she gave up for adoption was named Steve also. Mike is the oldest of 11 brothers and sisters… All of whom were adopted… hence I believe the adoption connection below was also for us in more than one way.

    Later JH came back to me and said “there’s an adoption connection here”

    Pam: My son is adopted (Me Too #6 – HUGE VALIDATION HERE for me – I had an adoption validation here as well. Sandy, my sister in law, had given up two of her children for adoption when she was very young. On the very day that my grandmother crossed over, the youngest daughter whom she gave up contacted her for the first time. The day was September 24th… almost exactly three weeks ago…and it was her birthday. My grandmother passed away on the same day her daughter was born!

    JH: (To Jeannie) who has the back problem? Who just had the back surgery or has it coming up?

    Lori: Sandy just had surgery…

    JH: Nope… got stick with him Darlin’but you are being highlighted big time, big time. My grandmother is the strongest and most caring person you could ever meet. She touched many hearts and souls of the people that she came in contact with here on earth and it does not surprise me that she did the same thing that evening by bringing in our groups families as well.

    JH: This is all compliments of your Barnaby Lady… I understand that darling… back to you (me) really quickly. Are you working with children?

    Lori: Just my own.

    JH: How many?

    Lori: just two

    JH: And you don’t teach children or own a daycare? There is something about you.. you are going to be working with kids. They’re not telling me… this more of a psychic thing unless yours is the house that all the kids come to?

    Lori: Yes!

    JH: How many?

    Lori: Like five at a time sometimes…

    JH: Okay, unless you have children that live all around you, you may be volunteering with children in the future in a teaching way. That’s gonna happen okay? That’s a service… okay do you understand that? ( I had no idea what he could have meant here but it is definitely something to keep in the back of my head. One of the things I realized going through his seminar was that I was SO not following my soul’s purpose… maybe this might be it? Food for thought anyway.)
    Where’s your daddy darlin’?

    Lori: He’s here.

    JH: Is he out of your life?

    Lori: He is not out of my life but we aren’t really close.

    JH: Cause your mum, the mum figure here is what she is doing… I am seeing a circle of family here.. and then Dad out here to the side. Dad is outside of the circle and like Tom’s brother… it is time to bring Dad back into the circle because you never know… I am not making a prediction or anything but life goes like this – snap and you are going to say “why didn’t I talk to him more, why didn’t I visit him more?”

    This really caught me off guard. My Dad and I have never really had a relationship all my life that was very significant. I spent most of my life trying to win his approval and never getting it… at least not when it mattered. I eventually just accepted the fact that my father would never change and that I just had to get on with things.

    Don’t get me wrong… I love my father… but he was never the touchy feely type of guy and he was ALWAYS Right… no matter what. I could tell you on one hand how many times I have heard my father say “I love you.”… That was very hard to grow up with… I have one brother who still can’t get past that and even though he is in his late forties now… still lets it eat at him.

    Just within the last few months I have started to see my dad’s health deteriorate a little… Not a lot, but enough to concern me. I have been trying to get up nerve and bite the bullet and start spending more time with him even as difficult as this may seem. I know if I don’t I will regret it just like John said…..


    I guess my grandmother knew that with our relationship there wasn’t that much regret because the connection was always there… I know that she and my mother loved me so much and so completely, that they would understand my actions no matter what. I don’t have that with my dad and if anything were to happen to him before I was able to spend time with him I will have regrets… .

    The other side is awsome in their wisdom and in their creativity in getting messages to us on this side. Words can’t express the emotion that went through me that evening… let alone the entire weekend. Your friendship and compassion is something that I will treasure forever. And as for John …. He is such an eloquent teacher and like I said before… I left his workshop with many confirmations and validations. Some of which I will never forget and some that will change my life. He has certainly left a whisper in my soul that I won’t soon forget. :love:


    #110198
    Amy Rose
    Participant

    Wow Lori!!!!!!!!!! Just wow!:hearts: :hearts: Thank you for taking the time to write it all out!!!! :)

    #110208
    CarolynB
    Moderator

    (((Lori))):hearts: :hearts: :hearts:

    #110211
    starlasue
    Participant

    Wow! The energy & love that you all experienced at this event is amazing! Thanks so much for letting us be a part of it. ((((((Lori))))))):hearts:

    #110215
    Pam B
    Keymaster

    I have so many “me too’s” with your further explanation in your reading too!!

    My family is from Chicago and almost all of them at one time or another lived in Evanston, IL! They moved when I was 2. I also heard stories about going down to the Lake and Navy Pier, etc. My grandfather owned a store in the city and supposedly ran a secret bar in the back during prohibition! Maria will tell you, that as I drove her around the city, I said “my family used to live on this street” and I said it about 5 times. Going to Chicago is also like “coming home to the home I only heard of.” :)

    I was also raised with my grandmother, (mom’s mom) who was like my second mom. She also raised two children during the depression, worked two jobs, etc. Once she saw me throw a book in the garbage when I was a kid and she nearly took my head off. Waste not, want not was her constant mantra. Evertime we went to a restaurant, she’d pocket the jellies and sweet and low from the table! :eek: But she was not a lady you’d want to mess with, not a little old lady, etc.

    I also have my issues with my mom having dementia and not remembering details about my own life in the end. She’d barely remember that I had been there before when I did visit. I also didn’t visit as often as I “thought” I should have, and have wondered if she has forgiven me. Getting the “big thank you” for the time that I nursed her in my own home has relieved me of that guilt.

    My father’s personality sounds just like yours. I bet if we compared notes about their backgrounds there we’d find even more synchronicity and even more reasons to forgive them. You can’t tell him anything and he was just awful to be around growing up.

    Our adoption connection, and with Twinky, was huge!!! I had no idea there was so much adoption in our group! :thumbsup:

    (((((( Lori and family )))))) Your grandmother is awesome! I am so grateful to her for coming through and bringing our other loved ones with her :hearts:

    #110229
    enlightenme
    Participant

    :love: :musicnote Lori, I know we have chatted at one time or another about most of that but I didn’t know about the grandmother aspect in all that detail!

    Your grandma is an incredible energy to team lead the group reading!:hearts:

    :D Incredible how many common threads interwoven in our little friends family!

    :clap: Thanks for sharing the behind the scenes story!

    Pam

    P.s. I know who that roomy is! tell her naah nah,na, naah nah! for me!
    So has she joined us here yet??

    #110233
    LoriM
    Participant

    Wow! That is pretty amazing, Pam! I had no idea… It is hard to believe the amount of sychronicities that two people can have half way across the united states!

    I had an Aunt and Uncle that also had a bar during prohibition and then later on had a secret room in the back for gambling! My Uncle eventually turned up missing. Rumor had it that he was swimming with the fishies. They never did find him! My Aunt Elsie then moved to Ohio where she opened another bar and….. you would have thought she learned her lesson…. had illegal slot machines in the back. I remember being a little girl and being in the bar with her when the police would raid the place! LOL.

    As far as my father goes…. He did the best he could with what he had. There was abuse in their family from what I understand and although his mother (This is the Myrtle that came through during the workshop) tried her best to protect him. It didn’t work. My great grandfather commited suicide on his side and his father drank. (as my dad did too) His sister left the home at 13 to get married and get away. Although my dad did not repeat the cycle of the physical abuse with us… I am affraid that the emotional abuse was there… especially with my oldest brother.

    I thank God every day that I had my mother to protect us and teach us how to deal with him…. As an adult I understand him alot better and realize why he does some of the things he does. It also enables me to have a relationship with him in which I can forgive him. He is my father faults and all and although we are not as close as I would like to be… I still love him dearly! :love:

    #110234
    Jeannie
    Participant

    Me toos out the wazoo.

    My parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins were from Illinois. We went for visits at least once a year.

    My mother has alzheimers and strokes and is in a nursing home. I am having some issues going to see her. I want to go, but the visits seem to get further and further apart.

    and the father part, this completely went over my head and out the window.:
    H: Cause your mum, the mum figure here is what she is doing… I am seeing a circle of family here.. and then Dad out here to the side. Dad is outside of the circle and like Tom’s brother… it is time to bring Dad back into the circle because you never know… I am not making a prediction or anything but life goes like this – snap and you are going to say “why didn’t I talk to him more, why didn’t I visit him more?”

    For a number of reasons, my dad has been pretty much on the outside of the family circle for some time. In the past few weeks, he has been in a nursing home and my siblings have not wanted to see him or speak with him for a long time. Over the past decade I have seen him more that anyone and that is almost never. Sad, but true and he brought it on himself.

    I am so happy that you both got the reading that you needed. I have a lot of family over there, but did not expect to be read.

    OMG – I just realized, Bill’s dad was completely outside the family circle!!!
    His family lived with Bill’s mother’s mother for a long time. He even called her “Other-Mother”

    I am sure there are many more Me toos.

    #110238
    Pam B
    Keymaster

    OMG! My Dad’s father (Irish) went on drinking binges and would just be gone for days at a time. His mother (also Irish) was mentally ill (according to my Dad) It was my Dad who left home at 14, and moved in with friends (sort of adopted, ‘eh?) to get away from the craziness. My Dad was not a drinker, but doesn’t matter, as an adult child of an alcoholic, he had all the same personality issues. This is why I can forgive him, he never had a good example of what a good husband and father is because of how he grew up. He joined the Marines went to Korea and then really went down hill from there. (I read last night that JH’s dad was an Irishman, who drank and was an ex-marine also– bad, bad recipe!)

    I love him, I forgive him, he just can’t be a part of my life right now because he’s abusive. I barely know him and he barely knows me.

    Jeannie, I had no idea that your family was from Illinois. I remember some stories about gambling going on in the Can you imagine them over on the Other Side together, drinking and playing cards?! :dance:

    Jeanne, trust me, it’s quality, not quantity when visiting them. It doesn’t matter if you go every day, or if you go once every 6 months. As long as the quality of the visit is as loving as possible from your end, that’s the most important thing. I’ve felt your energy and you radiate love and light. I’m sure you’re doing the right thing by visiting as often as you feel comfortable. :hearts:

    #110251
    LoriM
    Participant

    Wow again Pam! :D I just can’t believe all of the things our little group has in common. It is no wonder your mom and Twinky’s family jumped in! I love it! :clap:

    Another similarity between you and I – the mental illnes on my dad’s side of the family… alot of stories there for me! We should talk more as I am sure like you said more and more would come together with such commonalities!

    And you are right! I can just see our families sitting together on the other side playing a mean game of poker and having a cold one! LOL :beer:

    #110255
    Jeannie
    Participant

    I was hoping Bill would post on his experiences, but we have jumped back into the work rat race and we have literally been passing each other in the driveway and front door. The reason his father was out of the family circle was that he was an abusive drunk. My dad never touched the booze, but he had other vices that made him not so endearing at times.

    #110269
    Don
    Participant

    What a small world we live in, aye?
    Are you sure you and Pam aren’t related somehow? ;)

    #110273
    Jeannie
    Participant

    soul-sisters:

    #110275
    LoriM
    Participant

    Triplets seperated at birth? :o :laff: ;)

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