June 24, 2006 at 6:01 am #65691
I recently had the rare and incredible opportunity to meet and talk with John Edward for almost two and a half hours one on one after his show while he was in San Antonio two weeks ago and I am having the most unusual reaction to meeting him. He invited me as his guest in response to the letter I wrote to him after seeing him in Dallas in April.
I have always been a bit of a skeptic and a bit of a believer but was on the fence until that evening. I had an experience before the show in which days of anticipation and worry had really played a part in my almost not going. I was a firm believer in the show after seeing him in person. It really touched me and I wrote him a letter to relay my experience to and to thank him for touching the lives of so many people. I didn’t expect anything in return for that letter much less a response.
Here is the letter I wrote:
Dear Mr. Edward,
First let me start by saying that I don’t really expect you to read this. I can’t imagine how much mail you get but I felt compelled to write to you anyway. Let’s just call it therapeutic and if you do read it, well…, it’s an added bonus! I have watched you on and off since Crossing Over was first aired around 1996. I recently had the pleasure of seeing you in Dallas Texas on April 8, 2006 for the first time. I was completely and totally blown away by how comfortable you are with total strangers and as well as with your ability make me feel just as comfortable. I felt like the person on stage would be the same person if I were a friend meeting you for lunch somewhere.
I am not any different than most of the people you come in contact with. I have lost someone that was very special to me and when I read your book, If God Were the Sun, I knew that although it was a fictional work, you really had gone through that loss. In my mind, there was no way that you could describe those intense emotions so accurately and precisely regardless of your gift. There is no pain greater than losing someone who is so much a part of you. It is a loss that takes your breath away and you wonder if you will ever be able to breath freely again.
Hearing you speak brought me a great sense of peace but also an intense sense of longing along with it. I had hoped and prayed for weeks before your appearance that this person would come through and I would get a reading. I lost sleep over it and worried for days about it. On one hand I knew that if I didn’t get a reading I would be horribly disappointed but on the other hand if I did I wasn’t sure how I would handle it or if I would even believe it. I almost didn’t go that night for fear of having my question answered either way. It sounds crazy but that was where I was only four hours before the doors opened. It was only at my best friend’s urging I made up my mind to go. (This is where it gets interesting.)
Shortly after making up my mind to go I had the oddest experience. I went to tune my radio to some other station than the awful stuff my husband usually listens to. (Talk Radio) I turned the sound up so I could hear what else was playing. It was playing country and western music and I hate country and western! I didn’t think anything of it figuring I had hit the wrong button. I went to push one of the preset buttons to find something else and it was playing the same song! I pushed it again thinking I was losing my mind only to hear the same damn song again.
I thought to myself “Okay, Okay, obviously there is a reason I need to hear this song.” And as I listened, it took my breath away. The refrain of the song was playing and the lyrics of the verse said, “I waited all my life to get to this place. Don’t cry when I am gone. I traveled so far to see your face.” I had an overwhelming sense of warmth and had to pull my car over to catch my breath. I collected myself and I suddenly looked forward to the evening with a new sense of peace that I hadn’t felt in a while. If it had been any other type of music I would have not paid attention to it. I would have missed it completely. I wanted to believe that the person I was hoping to hear from had reached out to me and I knew at that moment I would not get a reading from you that evening. I was oddly okay with it.
You answered so many questions that evening with out even knowing it. It is my hope that someday I will meet you in person to have a private reading. I am not on your waiting list, we live a long way from Long Island and a lot of things would have to go just right, but if it is meant to be, then it will happen. Hearing you that night, I knew that you were genuine and spoke with the personal knowledge that could only come from the other side. I also wanted you to know that although you touch the lives of those people that you read, you also touch lives and families like mine.
I look forward to meeting you, until then I will continue to wait and to hope. Thank you for sharing your gift. Thank you for touching my life.
As it was I did NOT get a reading and after the show the producer rought me up to ask some questions. I had asked if I would get to meet him and hey has said he had already left the hotel but that they would have a personal Assistant have a book signed for me and bring it up after we were done. Guess who the Personal Assistant was?!? John handed me my book with a smile and a hug! (I thought themicrophones and makeup were a little extreme for just the producer!)
Anyway, he sat and talked with us for more than two hours after he
had just completed a show. I have to say he is the most humble,
gracious, and compassionate person I have EVER come in contact with
in my life! He told me right off the bat that he was drawn to read
people who had unfinished business either here or the other side and
he did not feel like I had that going on.
He was right. I am one of the fortunate few who was
able “communicate, appreciate, and validate” my mother before she
passed. We had a very intense discussion regarding several issues
including the show, skeptics, my faith and about how my mom had
passed but I did not get a reading. I was disappointed but was okay
with it. The interview ended with his staff telling me that they
would get with me about releases on Monday and wanted some pictures
of my mother.
This is where the unusual reaction starts. Saturday morning after the
high of speaking with him had worn off and we were on the way back
to the airport I began to feel the most INTENSE sense of depression
hit like I hadn’t felt since my mom’s passing. My husband contributed it to being disappointed about not getting read but I was really okay with that.
For the next three days I cried uncontrollably without being able to put my finger on it. It was only after my child came up to me and put his arms around me and said “It’s okay, Mommy, I miss her too. She understands.”, that I realized that it was grief not disappointment.
Speaking with John apparently brought up some issues about my mom’s
death that I only thought I had dealt with at the time. It is hitting me full force and frankly I wasn’t prepared to deal with this. It has made me realize that even though I was okay with the way my mom died that I was NOT okay with some of the guilt that I still needed to deal with.
It has also brought me an opportunity to really explore faith again and made me stop and see that I am really missing out on a relationship with God. It brought me to a screeching halt in which I finally have to admit that if his gift is real that it can only be a divine gift and therefore it has to be from God. I can finally say that I am ready to take that leap of faith and really believe in God and Christ. For the first time in my life I am excited about the opportunity to have a relationship with Christ and am eager to learn.
This experience has really started a tail spin of an awakening in me that is both spiritual and metaphysical. I feel like I have been caught up in an emotional tornado and I don’t know how to deal with it. I can truly say that I am not the same person I was two weeks ago. It feels like a life time ago that I spoke with him and the sad thing is I can’t remember hardly anything!
I called his office to speak with his producer about it and they have not been returned the call. They never contacted me again about
the release or where to send the pictures of my mom. It kind of made me feel like I had been abandoned almost. I keep playing over and over in my head what went so wrong with the interview that they won’t even tell me that they aren’t interested. It is driving me crazy with all kinds of unanswered questions and I feel SO lost! It is crazy because I have all of this new and wonderful stuff happening in my life and I can’t let this go. It is almost like I am grieving the loss of the opportunity to speak with him to let him know the tailspin he has left me in!
So I guess the single question that this REALLY long email is getting to, is how do I get past this? How do I get it out of my head that this once in a lifetime opportunity is gone and I will never get it back? I have to find a way to let this go so I can quit thinking about it. I can’t be the only one with this reaction. Any ideas?June 24, 2006 at 8:19 am #106068
What a wonderful person John is to take the time to talk to you. I hope you found the answers you were looking for.
Jennifer :hearts:June 24, 2006 at 2:20 pm #106072
WOW! How incredible for you. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. My thoughts are that maybe this isn’t about John but about your mother. You said that you cried uncontrolably for days. That this experience has profoundly changed you. Would it be a stretch to think that you need this time without all the hype to get past your grief. Your mother gave you a very special gift, that is knowing she is ok even though you didn’t get read. Is any TV stuff really more important than that. The tv opprutinity may be gone but you will always have with you the memories of your mother and that your talk with John has maybe helped you to see things differently. I don’t know everything but for myself I wondered how I would feel if this had happened to me about my father. MY first thought was that I would miss not being able to share my Dad with the world and that being on the show would have been some permanent record of his life or something. But if I step back its a who cares because I know him and the people who love me know him and thats all that truly matters.
So I guess I would say take what you were given, its so much more than most of us get. Know that your mom is looking out for you and loves you and knows what is going on. She certainly doesn’t care about tv she cares about you. Some times you just need to let go and let God take care of things. Would you rather have never had the chance to talk to John knowing that this would happen? I hope this long reply helped you some. Its so hard dealing with the loss of a parent, I am sure she will continue to help you!
PaulaJune 24, 2006 at 2:51 pm #106074
OMG Messerlori., Your posting blew me away. I am so sorry that your feeling such turmoil at this point in your life. Your letter to John was so touching at times I felt I could of written it word for word.That must of been such a amazing thing to sit and listen to the words in the song!! I am going to see JE July 22 in T.O. And I have to tell you. I have to tell myself to calm down about. I just pray for that validation but I remind myself that everyone there is praying the same thing. Just to be able to be in the same room with his energy is gonna be awesome. Do you think that maybe you should not totally give up on getting those pictures to him. I certainly don’t think he meant to abandon you. But perhaps his producers still have it on their to do list. I know his schedule is insane to say the least. Where do you live? I don ‘t know if you need to do this yourself or if you would like me to try and get your mom’s picture s to him. I am a very determined person So determined I got the first two tickets that went onsale for that show. And their is a story behind how those tickets kinda came about:banana: . I don’t want to come off as being too forward I just know If it was me that had exerienced what you have I wouldn’t give up. If it is meant to be “it will happen”
:rosary: Leigh> Thank God for people like JohnJune 24, 2006 at 3:49 pm #106006
Thank you Leigh… I think I am just going to let it go. If it is meant to be and he wants the pictures,they know how to get a hold of me. I have never been the one to wait patiently… but the purpose for meeting him may not have been about my Mom. I am coming to realize that over the last few days but it is still hard. I keep thinking…what did I screw up so badly that they didn’t get back with me to even sign a release… And I want so badly to share what has transpired… and to have validation that he knows. Does that make sense?June 24, 2006 at 5:53 pm #106076
Your last post reminded me of situations I have been in before. Do you think maybe your feeling of abandonment is actually a desire for “concrete evidence” to confirm that all this happened (with the footage being that evidence)? If so, I can totally relate. It can be very frustrating to have an experience and to tell your family or friends, but they weren’t there and it’s just not the same as if they could see for themselves. I have wanted to share things before and sometimes it just really gets lost in the translation.
If this is the case, at least you have the people here! I believe many of us could probably relate…
:hearts:June 24, 2006 at 6:50 pm #106077
Messerlori, Awhile after I wrote to you I remembered something John had said in an interview very recently. He said “The greatest gift people can give me is to know that I’ve given people hope and they don’t need me to get that validation”.:hearts:June 25, 2006 at 3:05 am #106090
I think that is a very big part of it actually. Each day is a little better because of the wonderful things that have been happening. I am getting more and more validations each day. Thank you for your kind words… I don’t really have anything from that experience to show… but who knows what will happen in the days to come! Thanks again!June 25, 2006 at 7:01 am #106092
tonight an amazing thing happened I am and was missing my son so much tonight I was on my way back from safeway and I was crying, I wish that he was here there are so many things I need to tell him.
I asked him if he could help me get my dsl working again and it is finally after a month and a half of not working …working again. On August 17th it will be a year since my son was in the accident and left me. I find myself getting more and more stubborn in my need for him to “come back” I talk to him everyday and I work hard to deal with my grief. I have found so many changes in who I am now and what is important to me. The fund that I am creating in my son’s name is helping me cope daily. I want to make sure that no other chilld has to feel as my son did. He was just starting to understand and let go of the pain. Through this journey that I am on I am learning things about myself that I did not know. On my good days I smile and feel okay on my bad days I am either angry or sad. I am hoping that if one child who is relocated after being abducted either by parental or stranger abduction is able to receive adaquate counseling and re integration to her or his family than I will have given Rich some much needed justice. My pain is that I did not do this sooner, but now I try to honor him by living my life. Sorry for the ramble I started to make a point but I just wound up typing this. I hope something I said helps someone else “Work Thru” their grief. Bye for now, Carol:candle:June 25, 2006 at 8:21 pm #105932
I think you are doing exactly what you need to do to deal with your feeling right now. You writing this all down will help you to remember everything that happened and is helping you see things more clearly. Grief is a journey. The things we think we are “OK” with, we wake up one day and suddenly we are not, but the next day we are. But it’s alright. As long as we allow ourselves to feel those emotions and not hold them in, then we are going the process. I lost my father 22 years ago and I cry several times a week, some happy tears, some sad tears but the grief is there. I’ve seen John a couple of times. I love his work and his writings. Never had a reading but been to a couple of seminars. I’m always surprised at the extreme emotions that I tend to go through around his seminars because of the amount of signs I receive from my father.
Allow yourself the time to “feel” this journey. You have had an amazing experience. Think of your mother, appreciate her and your family. Your posting touched my heart when I read it.
I would give John’s team a week or so to contact you. I’m sure it was not you that did anything in the interview that would make them not use it. You know how bad those camera guys can be;) You can always contact his office in NY if you don’t hear from the producers soon. Maybe they can help you.June 25, 2006 at 8:52 pm #105933
It has been more than two weeks since I heard from them and the producer has not returned the call in any way shape or fashion. I have just decided to let it go for now. It is like I have this whole new world opened up to me now and I have so much to learn and I can’t wait to continue this journey. If it was meant to be then they will call. He is supposed to be back in Texas at the end of August so maybe they will follow up with me then. The only thing I think I will do again is give them a call if I haven’t heard anything after August. I would really like a copy of the interview just so that I have something to remember our discussion by. Thanks for your words of encouragement.June 25, 2006 at 9:30 pm #105935
I’m so sorry. I must have misunderstood. I have to admit that if it was me, I’d be calling, writing, driving, stalking, no seriously, I would want a copy of the tape also.
One thing I did not say before, that I would like to say now. I’m so glad that you had a special connection with God during this whole experience. I hope you continue your connection and it grows. I know I cherish my religion and it’s very personal (as it is with most of us :love: ) Most people assume that just because we believe in physics or anythings metaphysics that we are not religious and I think it strengthens my faith daily. Because only something so good can come from God. So I really enjoyed reading your testament.
Just know when ever you are healing down or when you are feeling good, we are here.:hearts:June 26, 2006 at 5:01 pm #105959
I really appreciate that all of you are here for me! I have been talking with Pam B. and she has really helped me sort throught this. I am just going to have to let this go and know that if they are going to contact me they will know how to get a hold of me. And if he doesn’t get a hold of me then maybe I was only meant to talk to him to start me on this journey. I have so many questions… the main one being, why can’t I remember hardly anything! I think that is the most frustrating thing of all.
It has been like a whole new world has opened up for me and I have these two competing forces asking – no – telling me to look into them. On one hand I have this whole metaphysical awakening going on and on the other I have this spiritual awakening. I am torn because I now that I have embraced them both… I want to learn everything I can about both. I am already running into conflicts with the church… so that makes things even tougher. How do you balance the two?June 30, 2006 at 1:13 pm #106175
See below…June 30, 2006 at 1:35 pm #106179
UPDATE: FINALLY LETTING GO. :clap:
With the help of our wonderful moderator, Pam B. I have finally gotten to a point where I can let this go. In speaking with Pam, she helped me identify what it was that was really bothering me about this whole process.
It was the fact that I didn’t have control over what was happening and the fact that I had to comepletely re-evaluate everything I had previously believed. In an effort to bring closure to this I wanted to share the last letter I sent to John.
Pam B., thank you, thank you, thank you, for being there for me to talk to! If I never hear from John again I am finally okay with that and just as you told me… I hope that I can continue to help others to the recognize that this journey is truly not about the medium but about the message.
I never imagined in my wildest dreams that speaking with you in person in San Antonio would have such a profound affect on my life. Although it has only been 20 days since your appearance there I feel like a lifetime of experiences has happened to me in those twenty days. I am not the same person I was three weeks ago.
It is like you opened this door for me in which you changed my view of reality. I have gained so much out of this experience that I can’t begin to tell you. It is like I am seeing life in a whole new way with different colored glasses. A whole new world has opened up for me and I can’t wait to learn everything I can. I did not see any other choice and in a way I finally have answers to things I have always had doubts about all of my life. That is why this journey has been started. I know that now.
It was so overwhelming at first and I had this insatiable thirst to find answers to why I was feeling such intense emotions. I thought to myself I can’t be the only one out here who has had this experience so I set out on a mission to find others who had spoken with you to see if they had similar reactions. What I found was an incredible woman by the name of Pam Blizzard and a web community by the name of Friendscommunities.org that has helped me work through a great deal.
In talking with Pam I have come to realize that I am at a cross road of sorts. I have two paths that I can take. One path leads downward and spirals perilously close to the edge of the mountainside where if I choose to stay stuck in grief or to make you the daily focus of my thoughts and actions I will surely fall. The other is a pathway leading up the mountain where I can move through grief and into light and love where I can listen closely to the cues you have given and I can make my own spiritual journey and learn to fly.
You made me realize that if I knew in my heart that your gift was for real…. then I had to take a second look at everything I have heard you talk about. That included not only the spiritual side of things but the metaphysical as well. It made me stop and take an inventory of my life. It forced me to examine my ENTIRE belief system. In talking with Pam, she helped me see that metaphysics, spirituality, our guides, the other side and our own gifts are all interconnected. The energy is one in the same that comes from one loving source. I know that now.
I am still not sure about everything but I know that with time and exposure my questions and prayers will be heard and answered. I have so much to learn, explore and I am excited about the prospects that lay ahead. I still have a healthy dose of skepticism but I have already had several validations that I can’t deny and I will forge through this so that I can continue my own personal journey. I want other people to know in their hearts what I have learned and for them to know as well that you are right… this journey is not about the medium… it is about the message. I only hope that I can contribute back to other people on their journey as well in the way that you have helped me. Thank you.
And once again thank you to everyone who has helped me through this. Pam, Pam2, Dawn, Gina, Nan, and all of those of you who responded to me – THANK YOU!:D
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