Forums Forums The After Life Testimonials My reading with John Holland, 10/13/06

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    Pam B

    Just a little background so you know how deeply this reading has effected me.

    In the 6 years that I’ve run this website, I never had a mediumship reading. I never needed one. Others needed it more than me. I honestly, honestly felt that way.

    My parents had a bitter break up when I was 13, and of course my whole life changed at that point. Both of my parents disappeared from my life, my dad literally and physically, and my mother figuratively due to lazy therapists who prescribed prescription drugs that my mother abused instead of actually helping her work through her fears and depression.

    My new family and support became a circle of friends – a group of about 30 people who ranged in age from 14 to 19 or so. Our common bond was that we were outsiders. We didn’t fit in with the athletes and cheerleaders. We were the freaks, the get-highs (even though we didn’t all do drugs or drink) the outcasts, the long haired hippie bohemians :) Our circle was our community, our family, our tribe. We were tight. We were loyal to each other. We spent almost every evening and weekends together as a group. When one was in trouble, we all came to each other’s aid.

    When I was 14 I was totally unprepared to face death. No one in my rather small family had died, all my grandparents were either living, separated from the family anyway, or passed before I was 2. So, I was totally devastated when a friend died in a car accident, Frank who was 17. It was devastating to the entire group. We were so young, and had nothing to fall back on but each other. We were certainly not “religious” people. There was no one who could counsel or comfort us about death. A week after Frank died, our friend 18 year old Larry was hit by a car while on his motor cycle and had to have his leg amputated.

    Again, we were devastated, wondering what the hell kind of life this was, what kind of “God” could do this to young people, and why it could affect a whole group of people this way. When I was 16, our friend Dean, 15 was murdered in a home invasion. Then when I was 17, my friend Rick and my best friend’s brother Noel drowned in a canoing accident on a nearby river.

    They went over what appeared to be a small waterfall, but they had no idea about the under-tow. Their bodies were not found for some time, leaving us to wonder (hope?) if they simply ran off, or if they were really gone. Noel’s body was found about 2 weeks later, and then Rick, his hand still clutching the paddle.

    I was surrounded by death. I lived in a constant state of “who is next?” and wondered if it would be me. I honestly felt that I would not live to see my 18th birthday. Not only did my own sense of loss and fear devastate me but watching my surviving friends crumble with grief and being unable to help them or comfort them left me feeling helpless and without power. These people were my family now and I was powerless to explain it to myself, much less to them. When I was 19, our friend Gary committed suicide, leaving behind my good friend Debbie and their 5 year old son Josh. My then-husband Dave and our best friend Larry (who lost the leg) had to go into Debbie’s and Gary’s bedroom and literally clean what was left of Gary’s remains from the room. It was a horror. Again, it hit the whole group of us very hard, leaving us to wonder about our own sanity questioning if we were capable of the same thing. We all talked about how we could have prevented it, how we felt so guilty that we didn’t know what he was going through, and at the same time, how he left us feeling angry that he could do such a thing to himself, to Debbie, to little Josh. A year later, Gary’s younger brother was murdered while in a jail cell, arrested for a petty crime. We rallied to support their Mom as much as she would allow us to.

    Then when I was 20, the news came that another good friend of mine who had moved away, Bill was killed in a car accident. Bill and I were very close when my parents separated. When I was 21 it was our dear friend Rich, on his beloved Harley. The same Harley we helped transport from Illinois to Salt Lake City for him. When I was 22 it was my friend Peggy, hit head on by another car, on the road I used to live on. She left behind 2 children that had been a constant source of joy in my home. Then when I was 24 it was Phil, found dead in his car. They never did an autopsy to find out if it was foul play, or natural causes. They simply buried him. Thirteen years, ten friends. So young, no explanation possible. It was like Death was the 31st member of our “tribe.”

    In the last few weeks I’ve been frustrated. Loosing my job without any warning, paying bills late, lack of funds to do extra things with Zach, the weather turning and lack of sunshine, and one day I was alone in my kitchen and it all just hit me. I thought of my upcoming weekend and I was frustrated that I wouldn’t have money to buy little tokens of appreciation or even thank you cards to give as gifts to the people I was going to meet. How would I pay for gas to get there, or my meals? Thank God I already paid Maria for the room ;)

    I gave in to the temptation to feel sorry for myself, something I usually resist. I thought of all my friends on the other side and I said “Dammit, I need to hear from you. I really, really need to hear from you.” I don’t remember if I said it out loud. I said “after all these years I just need to know that you ARE there, that the other side really does exist, I’ve been doing this god-**** website for 6 years and for god’s sake throw me a bone, ok?”

    I was so upset with my own feelings that I walked from room to room to try to get rid of the feeling. I walked into my bathroom and I said “Ok, I got it out of my system” and “whatever you can do, I’d really appreciate” and I also said, “Mom, I’d really like to hear from you please”. I walked back to the kitchen thinking of Rick and Noel for some reason. I thought to myself, now that would be efficient, if the two that passed together could come through together.

    I looked out my kitchen window at another thing that bummed me out: I killed all the plants on the porch. It wasn’t an accident, it wasn’t a mistake, I had consciously let the suckers go by choosing not to water them. (Long story as to why I made that decision, but for now just know that I chose to let them go.)

    My husband busted my chops for 2 weeks about killing the plants. I thought to myself, now THAT would be personal, unique and undeniably a “sign” if someone from the Other Side mentioned the fact that I killed the plants — not to mention embarrassing.

    Real life set in, dishes, laundry, getting my resume together, getting Zach off the bus, dinner….you know the routine. I didn’t think about it any more.

    On the way up to Chicago, I was so excited to have 2.5 hours in the car “alone”. Time to listen to an inspirational author on tape. Maybe time for Joan Borysenko. Maybe time to listen to Carolyn Myss’s “Spiritual Madness” for the umpteenth time, because every time I listen to it, I hear something new that I need to hear.

    But I settled on Ron Roth’s the “Healing Path of Prayer”. He talks about how his prayer and meditation life developed and he talks about how the “Our Father” has been mistranslated from an affirmation into a speech that “begs God” not to trick us and to give us just the very basics of what we need from day to day.

    He points out that when you trace the words back to Jesus’ original Aramaic, the words come to life, as an affirmation of what God already gives us. (I could write forever on this too but will leave that for now.) He said that God gives us everything that we need – it’s here for us, we just need to claim it.

    When he said that, I said “OK Fine, I claim a reading this weekend from John Holland”. I kissed it up to God and let it go. I continued to listen to Ron’s tape (he’s just wonderful) and completely forgot my “claim” thinking about getting to Maria’s plane on time and this weekend…and on …

    Pam B

    (wow, sorry, didn’t realize that was so long!) Here we go…Now to JH’s messages session and the reading.

    “Bang, I’m coming over here” and I had to look at him two and three times to make sure that he was walking towards US.

    He had Lori’s grandmother who passed two weeks ago, and I will let her tell you that story :)

    JH: (to Lori) Who’d you come with (we all raise our hands and the whole place laughs) and he says “wait a minute..” He says alright, this is the way it’s going to happen, this is compliments of the Barnaby lady.

    JHI: I’ve got a couple of kids who want to come through, they visited me before, I don’t know where to put this. Is there a drowning connection for this group? Fluid to the lungs, a drowning connection?

    I was stunned because this is what I asked for (2 kids drowning) no one else was claiming it so I spoke up:

    Pam: I have these 2 close friends that passed that way, an actually drowning in a river

    JH: Is one female?
    Pam: No…

    JHL That’s ok, is one more artistic, more sensitive, they could be gay, I’m not saying he was, sometimes that’s how I get this.

    Pam: Yes (Actually Noel was very sensitive, very artistic, not the real “macho man” like the rest of the guys in our group, he didn’t feel like he had to go along with the crowd. He definitely was artistic. )

    JH: Your Mom has passed?

    Pam: Yes.

    JH: She’s coming in loud, loud, loud (That would be my Mom, she’s boisterous and loves attention. As a kid if I got separated from her in a store, I’d just listen for her voice because she’d be laughing with total strangers)

    Pam: Are you the number one daughter?
    I hesitated to say “yes”, because I’m not the first born but….

    JH: She’s putting the number one above you Pam because you either took care of her, or you’re the oldest, or the responsible one.

    (Yes, I took care of her, nursed her through surgeries did all the paperwork. I was the responsible one, because my older sister basically crumbled and had a nervous break down due to her own irresponsible behavior and I had to go get my Mom from my sister. I was the one who had to take care of all the details of my mother’s health care, insurance, finances, etc. and I was always her “baby” she made no bones about me being her “favorite” and always said that my sister was closer to my Dad, which is true.)

    JH: I don’t want to play favorites in case your sister is in the room, but there’s a big thank you, a big thank you, a big thank you…

    (I really needed to hear this, because I wanted to do so much more for my mom, but it was like she didn’t let me, or she didn’t want “more” for herself. I have wondered since her passing if she thought I should have done more, visited more and I wondered if she appreciated what I, and my husband did for her.)

    JH: Is there a connection to cancer in the lungs or emphysemia
    Pam: My father has emphysemia, on this side.

    JH: Your mom makes me aware that as hard as she tried to stay here, she knew you were ready for this, do you understand this?

    Pam: Yes, (this is huge for me….my mother was on life surrport 2 years ago and they told us there was no hope, and I was devastated because my sister could not come to be with me. We had to try and deal with it all over the phone. On the way to visiting her the night before I was supposed to “pull the plug” and I prayed and said “I’m not ready for this, I don’t care what I believe abut the afterlife, I am just not ready for this, I need more time” When I got to her side that night, I verbally told my mom that it was ok to go to the other side, but in my heart I didn’t mean it. The neurologist called me the next morning as I was getting ready to go to the hospital to be there when they disconnected life support, and told us that she was starting to improve, which she did and lived on for 2 more years, but she still had a painful, horrible quality of life and I wondered why God didn’t take her the first time.) This time when she became so close to death again, I was ready to let her go, and my sister was able to come join me, which is a whole miracle story in itself. So this was very meaningful for me, almost like she stayed until *I* was ready to let her go.)

    JH: How many sisters do you have?

    Pam: Just one

    JH: She’s saying “hi to my girls, hi to my girls”

    JH: I won’t embarrass you, but the other side will: What’s this, you went in the garden, you killed her plants?

    Pam: I was saying to her “hey I’m going to this John Holland thing, I’ll be so embarrassed if she comes through and mentions the plants”

    (This is the sign I asked for, to mention the dead plants. They aren’t hers, but she absolutely loved coming to my porch where I had hanging baskets, and tons of terracotta planters with herbs in them, and she would go on and on about how much she just loved the plants and they were beautiful, she’d almost annoy me beause she’d just repeat herself over and over about the plants. So, she’d be busting my chops about letting them die I just know it.)

    JH: She’s not upset, she’s just saying “Ask her about the plants” and I can joke with her by the way

    Pam: Yes (absoultey my mom’s personality as opposed to the Lori’s Grandmother who you “don’t want to mess with” and Tom’s people, my mother was the “life of the party” always trying to make her doctor’s laugh and telling bawdy off color jokes)

    JH: and of course she did, because you asked her to, and she heard you.

    JH: She’s coming through with the greatest of love and greatest of respect…were you with her when she passed?

    Pam: No, we just missed her we think she did it on purpose

    JH: sometimes they do that, you can be with them for 24 hours a day and you can go to the bathroom and they go, because they don’t want to put you through that. (there’s a whole story to the timing that she passed too, we’re fairly sure she waited until we were in the parking lot pulling into the hospital because the nurse had just checked her, and rolled her over, and then checked her again and she was gone, 5 minutes before we walked in the door.)

    JH She’s saying thank you for letting me go. She tried to wait as long as she could, she tried to wait until you were ready. (This goes back to me not being ready 2 years ago, and being ready this time.)

    JH: She was very dizzy, always nausous, She’s saying “look at the crackers in her bed”
    Pam: Yes (She was always complaining of being nausous, always dizzy, when she stood up, we knew it was a side effect of the medications that she was taking.)

    JH: September is significant:

    Pam: It’s my wedding anniversary
    (Sept 17) (I totally forgot until the next morning, it my sister’s wedding annivsary too, (Sept 1).

    JH: Hi to Michael – Lori’s husband

    Here’s where the reading switched over to Twinky and her husband bill.

    Later JH came back to me and said “there’s an adoption connection here”

    Pam: My son is adopted (Duh I totally forgot at the moment that my husband and his 2 siblings are adopted, one of those siblings, his sister gave up a child for adoption and then later adopted a child; my sister Patty’s first two children are adopted.) Lori has a huge adoption connection with her grandmother that I will let her tell, but it’s a very huge validation.

    JH: Pam, I hope this helped you too (I misunderstood and thought he was talking about the Dad thing with Lori) and he said, “No, the drowning thing, there’s no real message there, just to come to you.”

    This makes sense because I said “I just need to hear from you” and I’m not connected to their families or anything, I just consider them to be representatives of that “group of young people” that I know on the Other Side.

    This reading was SO meaningful for me, and has given me a renewed sense of knowing that the Other Side really does exist, that we do not die, and that my loved ones are still connected to me and can see what is going on in my life. I believed it before, now I KNOW it.

    Thank you so much to Pam2 (Enlightenme) and AmyRose for their awesome notes. THere was so much that I forgot and the notes really made it all “come alive” for me again.

    The Other Side is awesome. John Holland is an awesome medium, teacher and a warm, funny, loving spirit. I cannot emphasize enough how lucky this world is to have him in it. More on the workshop/educational portion of Saturday in a separate post.

    High Five Rick :beer: and Noel! :beerhere:

    (Edited to add: Please see this amazing picture and story as even further validation from my Mom that she’s on the Other Side, and can still affect matter on This Side to communicate messages of enduring life and love!)
    THANK YOU MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    :hearts: :love: :beerhere: :wave: :clap: :laff2:



    :tissue: ((((Pam)))) :love: :hearts: :tissue:

    All is well :tissue:

    Now, on to the new path:clap:

    You’ll never be the same again:eek:

    :hearts: And we all love you:hearts:

    :musicnote Very happy for you:musicnote



    :love: ((((Pam)))):love:

    Thank you for sharing.




    Way to go Mom and firends! You gave a wonderful boost to Pam when she really needed it. :clap: :hearts: Thanks, John, for your wonderful gift. :love:

    I had to add this bit after seeing the other post about Mom’s plant that she referred to in Pam’s reading! MOM, YOU REALLY ARE AWESOME and you made me sniffle and smile at the same time. Three cheers for you :clap: and an even bigger thank you. :hearts:


    Wow. Just wow.

    How cool is that! Thanks for sharing the whole story Pam.


    I loved reading it, Pam. :love: I love that it finally happened to you. :love:


    oh my god its like 7:30 in the morning and that was just the most amazing story:tissue: .I am so happy for you that those validations came to you. Like wow it real does blow your mind when you stop to realize that here on earth is only part of a journey. When I saw JE in Toronto in July and I got my “me too readings” and failed to validate them I question why I wouldn’t jump up with bells on I think it was cuz i just wasn’t ready.But I still walked away with a little smirk thinking “thanks Grandma” I know it was you.:hearts: :hearts:

    Thanks so much for sharing



    :hearts: :banana: :hearts: (((Pam))):hearts: :banana: :hearts: Thanks for sharing! It was great to relive the reading.


    I am so happy for you ! It is good that you got your reading when you really needed it. :hearts:


    :hearts: ((((((Pam)))))):hearts: :tissue: :tissue:
    My heart was just breaking reading your post, Pam.:tissue: I am so happy to hear that you were validated. :handofgod


    Oh ((((((Pam))))))) I am so happy for you. :love:



    :hearts: (((((Pam)))):hearts:

    What an amazing post! What an amazing weekend! So happy for you! :love:

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